Conversation: A Brief How-To Guide.

Alright. So after much frustration caused by bad conversationalists, I've decided to write a little guide on how to have a decent conversation. This guide will focus on a text conversation -- I feel that actual vocal conversations seem natural enough where it's not too hard to keep it going. Additionally, assume that this conversation is between relatively good acquaintances. You shouldn't expect good conversation from people you've just met (but they should still be able to provide it).

Person 1: Initiation. ['Hello', 'Good morning', etc.].

Person 2: Return greeting.  Now, person 2 has another option. Since he/she did not initiate the conversation, he/she is not obliged to say anything further at this time, but the return greeting could be supplemented with and inquiry (explained in the next step).

Person 1: If person 2 did NOT follow their greeting with an inquiry, this is the time for that. This is easy, just ask a simple question ['What's up?', 'How are you?']. If you want to make it slightly more personal, ask something deeper. This can change for morning [Any big plans for today?], afternoon [How's your day going?], and evening [How was your day?].

Person 2: Answer the question they ask. Keep it brief, but don't be vague. No one wants to just hear "Not much" or "Just chillin'". If they ask about your day, don't just say "It was good". Give a little detail. Mention the highlights (or lowlights). A couple sentences should be enough. End your message with an inquiry directed at them, similar to the one they directed at you. NOTE: this final part can be skipped if you mentioned a major event or something that you know will spark an obvious question (eg. "I got into a car accident" or "I found the most amazing thing ever".

Person 1: A) If they add an inquiry, answer it as described above. If not, skip this and go right to
B) Comment on their response. Ask another question relating to their answer, if warranted [You got in a car accident?? Are you okay, what happened?]

From this point on, each person should continue asking questions and providing a brief (2-3 sentences) but relatively detailed responses to the questions they're asked in return. This should continue until the stories seem to run dry. At this point, one of you should use another initial "inquiry question". If you began with "How was your day?" you could ask "So what are you up to now?" when the first part gets dry (and vice versa).

This process can be as short as 10 minutes, or as long as  a few hours. The key is to make sure your response warrants either another question or comment -- this is how conversations flourish. It's all about momentum, and doing your part to keep things going.

CONVERSATION TIPS IN A NUTSHELL:

1) Ask plenty of questions, and provide thoughtful answers.
2) ALWAYS AVOID single-word responses. "Haha", "Cool", "Yep", "Good" etc. might answer a question, but does nothing to keep the conversation alive. Keep them away.
3) Think of a text conversation as a transcription of an actual face-to-face conversation. Imagine you're actually SPEAKING to the person, and type out what you'd actually SAY in response.

ADDITIONAL TIPS:

1) Make sure you seem genuinely interested in what the other person is saying. You may be interested, but if you don't show it, the other person will assume you're bored.
2) Don't be afraid to use exclamation points and emoticons. Body language/facial communication is completely lost through text, so adding things like !  :(  :)  :P to show excitement, humor, anger, concern, etc. can help mimic what's being lost.
3) If you know you're about to fall asleep, say goodnight. Don't just ditch on the conversation. Same goes for if you know you won't be able to respond for several hours. Let the other person know you're not just ignoring them.
4) Don't just forget you're talking to someone. It's incredibly rude.

Loneliness and Lifelines.

Alright, today's topic is one that hits hard for a lot of people; loneliness. Loneliness sucks, and it can be a bigger issue than most people realize. We live in a world that seems so divided and cold, that we all need to have a place that we fit in. But what happens when we feel estranged or "second rate"? How do we cope with that feeling?

Starting off in a weird vein here -- ranking. We, as humans, rank people in order of importance. We don't always realize we do it, but we do. Which is why these people who say, "All of my friends are equally important to me" are lying. We've always done this. The people who we rank the highest are the ones we get the most benefit from. Back when we were a nomadic species, these "benefits" would be things like who could collect the most food, or who the better protectors were, or who would breed the best children. These were important to us because they ensured survival; not only for the individual, but for the bloodline.

These days, however, the benefits we use to "rank" people are a bit more complicated, and a lot more shallow. As a species, we've progressed   beyond the need to survive in the wild (for the most part). So our benefits have become things like who has the most money, or who is better in the sack, or who looks prettier. Deeper 'benefits' include who can love us the most, or who has similar interests, or who will always be available. Whether we like to admit it or not, we take the individual(s) who embody the most of these traits, and we "prioritize" them. There are usually two people who take home the gold; one of each gender. The one with the same gender typically becomes our "best friend" while the one with the opposite gender usually becomes out "significant other" (reverse these roles for homosexuals).

What happens, though, when you realize that you don't rank as anyone's #1? When you realize that no matter the circle, there's always someone more "prioritized" than you? It hurts, that's what. True loneliness runs deeper than just "Ohhh, I don't have anyone to hang out with tonight, I'm so lonely!". True loneliness is when you realize at any given time, you're at most a #2 person. When you realize that there's nowhere you really belong. If this feeling goes unchanged for a long enough period of time, it can lead to a depression deeper than any trauma could cause.

You begin to not only question other peoples' feelings for you, but your feelings for yourself as well. You lose all faith in yourself and in finding peace or happiness. You begin to resent other people who "have" someone. You want so badly to be loved, but at the same time, you want to be left alone for good. This feeling is one you can't change just by having a positive attitude -- it's neurologically ingrained in us to be hurt by this feeling.

So no matter who you are; love someone. Love everyone. Because you don't know if they've really got anyone else...you could be the line between life and death for them. And don't wait. Don't make excuses NOT to talk to someone who seems alone. If my "line" had waited just a few more weeks, I don't think I'd be here typing today. You can make more of a difference than you think. So go; get out there and make a difference in someone's life.

Vote No: The Upcoming Election, and Homosexuality.

Today is election day. That being the case, I'm going to take the opportunity to talk about a hot-button issue that's been flaring up -- gay marriage (and homosexuality in general). The anti-gay movement is one that has its roots in ignorance and religious zealotry, and is something we should have moved past long ago as a country.

Let's start with the roots of marriage. Contrary to what a lot of Christians believe, marriage is not a Christian thing. The idea of finding a spouse and  committing to one another is something that predates reliably recorded history, let alone a two thousand year old myth. So to the people who are saying that this "Christian" institution should follow the precepts of Christianity (thereby excluding same-sex marriage): check your facts. You people didn't create marriage.

Another laughable argument that I hear far too frequently is that "America was founded as a Christian nation, and should therefor follow the bible!" I'm sorry, but bullshit. This country wasn't founded on Christianity in any way. Our forefathers left England to escape a government that was built on religion; they sure as hell didn't leave that to create the exact same thing. Let me toss out an excerpt from the eleventh article of the Treaty of Tripoli:

"The Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion."

But yeah, we're a Christian nation, right? No. Not at all. And I'm personally disgusted that people find that assumption so credible.
So when you're voting, regardless of whether or not you think homosexuality is right or wrong, vote no on the anti-gay marriage amendment. Because a law based on Christian superstition and bigotry has no place in the legislature of a country created on the principles of freedom of religion, as well as freedom from religion.

Politics aside, let's turn to some of the arguments raised against Christianity in general. "You're born gay" and "you choose to be gay" are two viewpoints that butt heads a lot. But what irks me is the fact that the people who say these things usually don't have a clue what they're talking about. They haven't studied the necessary psychoanalytical psychology, neurology, or behavioral psychology to even begin to make an informed decision. The fact of the matter is, neither of those viewpoints is very credible. Studies show that it's more likely that a person isn't born homosexual, but through the influence of life events in early childhood, they become inclined toward homosexuality through no choice of their own. 

In a neurological study done by Laura S. Allen and Roger A. Gorski, it's shown that the anterior commissure in homosexual males is, on average, 34% larger than the anterior commissure of a heterosexual man. The anterior commissure in our brain has many functions; relating to memory, emotion, speech, hearing, and instinct, but one of its fundamental roles is regulating sexual behavior. Now, how can someone who has an actual anatomical difference in their brain in the area that regulates sexual behavior be "making a choice" to be gay? It seems unlikely. People really need to get their information from an unbiased source. A church pamphlet is not a peer reviewed scientific article; neither is a testimony on a pro-gay forum. Science people -- it works.

None of this really matters though. If it's a choice or not, we need to respect and love everyone -- regardless of their differences. Only when we learn to do that can we begin to move toward brighter horizons as a country, and as a species.

Denouncing the "Evils" of Pipes and Cigars.

Pipes. Cigars. Most people put them in the same category as cigarettes, but why? The only thing they have in common is the fact that they're all tobacco. But pipes and cigars are leaps and bounds ahead of cigarettes on the "bad-ass" scale.

I won't spend much time one the health differences, because there's not much to be said. Unlike cigarettes, pipes and cigars are not inhaled. Much like wine is sipped, swished, and spit at a wine tasting, pipe and cigar smoke is to be puffed, held in the CHEEKS, and pushed out. No lung contact at all. It's smoked for the flavor, not the buzz. Cigarette smoke is full of additives that put smokers at almost a 200% increased risk for lung cancer. Compare that to pipe and cigar smokers who see their cancer risk go up by a whopping...3%. Granted, this figure is for "average" pipe and cigar smokers, which means about 3 times a week. Personally, I smoke a cigar around once a month, and a pipe maybe once a week. This drops that 3% down to a negligable level. I'd be at more of a risk of contracting skin cancer by spending a day in the sun, than a whole month's worth of smoking pipes and cigars.

Health facts aside, pipe and cigar smoking is a relaxing and enjoyable experience. It's a time when one can sit back and forget about the crap that goes on in life for a half hour to an hour. A time when one can just puff away and appreciate the flavor and aroma of his smoke, as well as appreciate his surroundings. If I couldn't sit back with a nice briar pipe or corncob, or maybe a hand-rolled cigar, I can guarentee the stress level in my life would be off the charts.

So, why the hate? People are so stuffed with anti-smoking propaganda that they don't take the time to see the benefits and the realities of pipe and cigar smoking. They see something being smoked, and the immediate "this is bad!" mentality that they've been tought in school pops into their head.

Lighten up people, and let us enjoy our smokes, and enjoy our lives. Everyone has something they enjoy -- be it going to the bar with friends, or shopping, or online gaming -- and they all have their pros and cons. Why is my hobby so bad? I'll take my negligably increased risk of mouth cancer for a little enjoyment and relaxation any day.

And to all my fellow brothers and sisters of the leaf -- smoke 'em if you got 'em.

Pipes and Introspection. Plus a Little Inspiration.

A nice end to the day. It started early and slowly, with my job at Menards. Nothing special, but it pays the bills. I get home and treat myself to a nice meal once I got home. Now this wasn't some crappy microwavable meal from Wal-Mart; oh no. It was completely home cooked. Seasoned meatballs, and delicious brown gravy from scratch. I followed that up with a nice pipe of a 50/50 Virginia/burly blend, and relaxed and puffed away to some Andy Mckee.

Now's when the bliss ends though. I turn my thoughts inward, to the tangled mess of thoughts that reside in my mind. It's been a rough couple weeks. I can't look toward the future, and it's hard to place why. Maybe it's because, for the longest time, I didn't want there to BE a future (woaaahhh, depressing fact. Back it up here). Regardless as to why, it's becoming an issue. I'm not enrolling in college yet because I really can't see myself there. I'm stuck at a job that I get no enjoyment from because I can't really see another option. It sucks. When I look toward the future, it's blurry; I know that the future's uncertain for everyone, but this goes so far beyond that. It's like I'm looking at something that really shouldn't be. I'm sure this feeling will pass eventually, but for now it's so, so tiring. Add that to the other stuff that's in my head, and it feels like I'm about to pop. But enough boo-hooing. I swore to myself that I wouldn't let this be a catch-all for my negativity, and I intend to stick to that declaration. I have twitter to vent to (sorry, followers [but not really]). I'll close this post with a little something I've been thinking recently:

Everyone is hurting. Even if they don't say it; even if they really don't know it. Take comfort in that fact, and be humbled by it. Be comforted in knowing that you're not alone in your struggle, and be humbled in knowing that your problems are not greater than anyone else's. Love unconditionally, and let yourself be loved. Accept comfort when offered, and offer comfort when it's needed. If we all strive to do this just a bit more, maybe it can put us on the right track as a species -- because right now, we're sinking deeper and deeper.

"Nos Arescet [As the Leaves]" Also, hello!

Sup, all? So here goes nothing on this whole blogging thing. I've been told to do it multiple times, and I've tried twice. Nothing's ever come of it. So here's attempt number three -- maybe this time it'll stick.

Nos Arescet [As the Leaves]

Past reborn -- 

All I came to believe

died as we did.

Familiar footings crumbled,

and hands that once uplifted

now sting with the bitter chill of indifferece.

A warm voice was as a beacon in the dark;

now an unintelligible whisper,

distorted and devoured by the noise of distance and shifted priority.

I came to believe in a savior,

human; real.

Sickening sight illuminates the lie;

You've become as the other.

The other has become as you.

I blink again -- 

isolated and cold I lay.

Deathless,

but also not with life.

Dead in you;

dead in the other.

Alive and captive to the self's heart and mind.